Making Yom Kippur Meaningful

As the High Holidays continue, we transition from the celebration and reflection of Rosh Hashanah to the introspection and atonement of Yom Kippur. Often considered the most significant day of the Jewish calendar, Yom Kippur begins at sundown on Friday, October 11 and ends an hour after sundown on Saturday, October 12.

Yom Kippur offers us an opportunity to make amends and start anew. But, remember, before we turn to G-d for forgiveness, it's crucial to seek atonement from the people we’ve wronged over the past year. This personal accountability is central to the preparation for Yom Kippur and the essence of the Ten Days of Awe.

In the spirit of reflection and healing, as we observe Yom Kippur and its call for introspection and forgiveness, we also acknowledge the challenges and heartaches faced by many in recent times, including the events of October 7. This time offers us an opportunity not only to seek personal atonement but also to come together as a community with empathy and hope for a better, more compassionate world.

What is the Book of Life everyone talks about?

In Judaism, there is a concept that G-d maintains “books” in which our names and fate are written. It’s sort of a celestial ledger. On Rosh Hashanah, the ink starts flowing, recording what our lives will be like in the coming year. While it is written on Rosh Hashanah, our actions during the Days of Awe can alter G-d’s decree. Come Yom Kippur, the seal is set

During the Days of Awe, we have an opportunity to perform “teshuva, tefillah and tzedakah” (repentance, prayer and charity), which can positively influence our inscription for the year ahead. On Yom Kippur, this year’s Book of Life is sealed.

Customs of Yom Kippur

Pre-Fast meal and candles: A hearty meal is consumed before the fast begins and candles are lit to mark the holiday’s onset.
Fasting: No eating or drinking for approximately 25 hours, with exceptions for health reasons.
Attending synagogue: We spend the day in synagogue, concentrating on prayer to focus on the spiritual and letting go of our physical needs for the day.
Attire: Non-leather shoes and white clothing, often including a Kittel (a white robe), symbolize humility and purity. Leather used to be seen as a symbol of wealth and high status and on Yom Kippur we want to be humble and to recognize that we are all equal in the eyes of G-d. Thus, you may see people wearing flip-flops, crocs and other casual shoes with their dress clothing. We wear white because, on Yom Kippur, we are more like G-d’s angels, who are pure.
Greeting: After Rosh Hashanah and through Yom Kippur, we greet each other with the words, “L'shanah Tovah Tikatevu v'Techatemu" (May you be inscribed and sealed for a good year) or “G’mar Chatima Tova" (May you have a good final sealing).

‍Making Yom Kippur Meaningful for Your Family

Reflect as a family: Set some time to discuss your personal and collective aspirations for the coming year. Reflect on ways to improve and make the world a better place. In our Rosh Hashanah email, we talked about Mikkud (“reflection”) when we spend time at camp every Shabbat connecting with our bunkmates and counselors about the past week and our Jewish values. Have your own family Mikkud, listening to each other and encouraging everyone to share their thoughts. You may find this resource helpful in guiding your conversations.

Share a story with a moral: Every Shabbat at camp, a special visitor, from the “old country,” comes to tell a story to all of us. This story always has a lesson, something that may help us to become better people. Share a story that encourages self improvement or empathy. Here is one of those stories that might have meaning to share with your family this Yom Kippur.‍

‍In a small village in Eastern Europe, a businessman would often tell stories about other people in the village. He was a good and kind man otherwise, but when he heard something about someone, he would share that story with many people, who would then share that story with other people. One of the stories he told got back to the person who it was about and the person was deeply hurt and felt that his reputation was ruined. The Rabbi of the town knew he needed to help the businessman understand the impact of what he had done. He went to the businessman and told him how his story got back to the person it was about and the businessman apologized. He even said he would apologize to the person he had hurt. He asked the rabbi what he could do to repair the damage he had done.

The rabbi instructed him to take a feather pillow and bring it back to him. Surprised, the businessman did as he said. Then the rabbi told him to open the pillow and shake out all the feathers outside on the street. Confused, the businessman did so and went back to the rabbi to tell him he completed the task. The rabbi then instructed him to pick up all the feathers and put them back into the pillow. The businessman grew upset and told the rabbi that would be impossible to do. The rabbi agreed and explained that that is what happens when one tells stories about other people, you can never take back words once you speak them, just like you can never pick up all the feathers and make the pillow whole again. The businessman understood what the rabbi was telling him. He realized that, while he still needed to apologize to the man he had hurt, he could never truly undo the damage he had done. He promised the rabbi he would stop telling stories about people.

On Yom Kippur, as we seek forgiveness from those we have hurt, it is important for us to realize that apologies don’t always “fix” everything. Our actions can have tremendous consequences on others and a simple apology may not make everything better. (See #5 below for how to sincerely make an apology).

Future Letters: Write letters to your future selves about what you hope to achieve in the coming year. Save them to be read the following Yom Kippur. Consider keeping the letters each year to create a scrapbook for the family or for each individual.

Charitable Giving: The word “tzedakah” means righteousness. It is our obligation as Jews to do the righteous thing, which includes giving money to charity. Use this time to educate your family on the importance of Tzedakah. Consider making a family donation to a charitable organization. Do you have a Tzedakah box in your home? It is customary to give additional money to charity during the Ten Days of Awe and especially on the day before Yom Kippur. Just as we ask G-d to judge us with charity and kindness, we should also give charity and act with kindness toward others.

Seek and Offer Forgiveness: If you’ve wronged someone, take this opportunity to make it right. Teach your children the importance of genuine sincere apologies. Saying “I’m sorry” is not always enough. This article from Psychology Today identifies several steps to making a successful apology.

G’mar Hatima Tova! May this year bring peace, compassion, and understanding to all and may you be sealed in the Book of Life for a happy, healthy, sweet and prosperous year.

Michael, Debbie, Stacy, Julia, Trudy, Harrell, and Nancy